Living MY Life

This isn't going to be a fancy post with lots of pictures or anything. This is just a post about things I need to voice and record in the off chance I forget how I feel right now. 

For the first time in a long time, I have control over me. It is an odd sensation because for so long I had to think about how my actions and decisions would affect someone else. Now, I only worry about how they will affect me. It's so raw and exposed and free. It's akin to dancing naked in the breeze. 

At first I was really hesitant about the new way my life was going. Could I do it? Was I capable of surviving this? Would I find happiness on my own? The answer surprised me: HELL YES.

I didn't know I could do it. I was so lost and scared. Now, though, I see it. I am more than capable of surviving: I am THRIVING and it is fantastic. I am doing well in so many aspects of my life all of a sudden. New found friends with amazing lives of their own fill my head with warm and fascinating and inspiring stories. They have all helped me be more attuned to the creative side I had put away for so long. 

My music has become less technically minded and more an expression of me. Anyone can sing a pretty note, but to convey raw emotion is such power.

My art will be so different now. Canvases that I had started and planned now I look at with a totally different end product in mind. 

My laugh is finally free. I smile. A lot. Since when? When I was little, my mother always told me to smile more. Hey, Mom, I'm smiling and I have been doing it a lot lately. I knew I was always a happy person. I just needed the right amount of light to grow and show my true colors. I am not living in some shadow anymore. I can feel the sun and it feels amazing.