An Attempt at Pattern Interruption

bumble bee on a sunflower

I am finding harder and harder to breathe at the moment, so I am attempting to interrupt myself. Apparently my train of logic right now is completely distorted. I don't feel like it is, but it must be because I am in a highly elevated state of emotion and am feeling frenzied. Since I am attempting to change what I have been thinking about, I am going to post pretty pictures of flowers. Flowers with bugs and the like.

Every morning when I get to the place I am getting treatment (and some learnin'!), I wander the gardens and take pictures of the lovely plants. Sometimes I just sit and watch the bugs buzz around, the plants sway in the breeze, the way the sunlight bounces off the leaves....


Here's to hoping it helps.

bug on milkweed

pretty blue

yum yum pepper

these have been eaten

just what it sounds like

hiding amongst the veggies

 

A Tiny Bit of Serenity

Drizzly garden fun.

This day was not an easy one. A bit emotionally taxing, if you will. Decidedly so. One of the nicer parts of being here, however, are the cute little tiny gardens everywhere. This is the organic vegetable garden. I didn't get shots of the goodies in the garden, but will soon.

I was wandering around trying to quiet my head and am so glad I did. This has all been really hard but fruitful, but... well, hard. The green spaces make it for me, though. A lot. Knowing that I can always find a bench or seat somewhere amidst the buzzing bees, butterflies, and humming birds while surrounded by plants and flowers is so important to me. I value outdoor spaces. I need to feel connected and rooted in that way. It feels very right. It may not be a cure all by any means, but does it ever help! Just the little bit of reprise I get from the people and walls are so beneficial to me.

Where do you find your serenity?

Feeling Home

This has been a heck of a year for me and last week didn't help. For those of you that do not already know, my house got burglarized. Kind of. Yes, some stuff was taken, but it felt like more of a vandalism. Things opened. Like an inventory was taken. Things like this normally don't bother me, but I don't have a whole lot left these days in the way of material things. I have very little and what is mine is just that: mine.

Fig. 1 The Hierarchy of Needs

Breaking into a car doesn't bother me, purse snatching even, as those are both deeply impersonal. To come into someones place of residence, though, knowing when they are not there, seeing photos, rummaging through personal belongings: that's invasive. I have had a hard enough time these past few months trying to feel like I have a place to call home and that was shattered. Abraham Maslow may have been onto something. My physiological needs are barely met- I am failing at the sleep thing and now my security feels insanely threatened. I miss my doggy. She made me feel safe.

So now I want a new home. Someplace where I feel secure, safe, healthy, and happy. A home isn't the walls or furnishings, it's how you feel when you are there. I feel at home in my art studio. I feel happy and at ease. I haven't felt home at the place I live except for when my two besties were there and we were cooking together. I have just felt like it was a place to shower and keep my clothes.

Fig. 2 Me and my besties

I am in dire need for shelter and having a home. I am working on it. I know I will be successful because even with all the chaos in my life, I have been happy with me for the first time in a long time. I like the person I have become and I know I can do this. For now, it's just scary and lonely but I am strong. Sort of having an inverse on the hierarchy.

How far along up your needs are you? Where do you feel most "at home?"

Fun and Free (ish) With a Rant in the Middle

I love the views here!

 Many times in your life you will hear the old saying, "the best things in life are free," and you know what? It's absolutely true.

I am a little spoiled to live in a veritable paradise, I will admit, but island life does have its own set of downfalls. Will I dwell on it? Not usually. I find it much more pleasurable to remember the happy times and to enjoy the simple things. Sure the traffic on the waterfront may be atrocious, but the views are spectacular. You're stuck anyway so enjoy the scenery.

Regardless of geographical location, however, one should still be able to enjoy all the little things.
This past weekend, I was lucky enough to go with a friend for a little ride around the island. Well, we covered the WHOLE island, but it's not very big. What was so special about a day cruising? The scenery was spectacular as always and it's easy to forget that. It the whole not seeing the forest for the trees. Yes, some of the houses are wrecks; yes, there is litter (which maddens me, but baby steps help); yes, there are strays; too many power lines; bad crime... whatever! When you just step back and take a good look, as a whole, it's amazing and beautiful.


Yes, I can spend time dwelling on the bad, but there is already so much of it in the media. NEWSFLASH: Politicians were never honest, not even in "your day." Crime was always bad: it was just usually across racial lines and "back then" it was okay to beat up coloreds, communists, Jews, fags, cripples, women, spics and what have you. You know, all the people with no rights so they couldn't really call the police anyway? Don't pretend it wasn't true.



Fighting with pirate statues.



Now that I made my statement for all the elderlies reading my blog.... glad I got that off my chest... let's get down to the point! ENJOY THINGS!

nifty vest

Yes, enjoy. I had so much fun just seeing the island from a slightly different vantage point. I enjoyed playing with bubbles and scoping the scenery and watching the pavement zip past and feeling the wind in my fingers and having easy conversation. I liked pretending I was a tourist and then freaking out. I enjoyed seeing the flowers and butterflies. I had FUN. It was great. I got some sun. I had a big ole grin on my face. It was free (ish)... gas did need to be bought. I didn't drink, I didn't need to spend all kinds of money, I didn't need a bunch of fancy things to do it. It was nice.

Plus I got to wear this nifty vest for a second. Shhhhh....

Where I'd Rather Be...

What's that there?

Today is one of those days. Started out with a scare and finished up with an, "OMG I'M STUCK!!!!!!" I just for a second felt like I wasn't going anywhere. I had to sit back and relax and remind myself that even though I would rather be on the beach and even though I feel at this very moment like I am going nowhere fast, it is all a lie. I have gotten lots of places fast. I am just at a rest stop.

Another beach???

 Maybe today I am agitated at certain things. Yes I would rather be on a beach playing guitar, napping, eating, snorkeling, or some mixture of the above. Am I though? No. I do not own or work at a beach shop/bar/location. I work at a desk, now. That was my choice to make. At the time, it felt smart. It was painful, but felt smart. Would I rather be doing my art again? Absolutely. Realistically, though, we are about to go into off season. No sense in me getting all adventurous now. I have a good job with a good wage and I live in paradise.

Jellyfishing!!!!

Maybe this is just a small stop. Maybe I need a long break. Who knows? Maybe I will end up with a beach shack selling fancy sandwiches and hand painted goodies and renting out snorkel gear. All I know is sometimes you just need a reminder of how good you actually have it. Do I get to see the pretty sea critters and turquoise waters the way I want to everyday? No. But the water is visible from the roads and the views make up for it. I guess, right now, it's not soooo bad. :)

How do you keep sane in your environment?

A Very Appropriate DailyOM...

I am  a dork and receive the DailyOM every day in my inbox. I have found quite a few gems in there and today's was one of them. I figured I would repost it. It is called "Recharging Your Batteries."

Our natural state of being is vibrant, happy to be alive. Yet, there can be times when we feel run down and worn out. This does not mean that we are lazy or unfit for the tasks in our lives; it means that we need to recharge our batteries and find a way of keeping them charged. Vitamins and extra rest can be very helpful in restoring our physical bodies. And if we are willing to delve deeper, we may discover that there is an underlying cause for our exhaustion.


Whenever you are feeling run down, take an honest look at how you have been thinking, feeling and acting. You will likely find a belief, behavior pattern or even a relationship that is out of alignment with who you really are. Perhaps you believe you have to be perfect at everything or you have been bending over backwards to get people to like you. Maybe you are dealing with mild depression or simply have too much on your plate right now. There may also be people or situations in your life which are draining your energy. Once you get clear on the root cause, you can weed it out and better direct your flow of energy in the future.

In time, you might notice that the reasons you feel run down have less to do with how much you are doing and more to do with the fact that in your heart, you would rather be doing something else entirely. From now on, try and listen to what your heart really wants. It may take meditation, or just a moment of silent tuning in to gain the clarity you need, but it is well worth the effort. When you know what you truly want to do, and honor that in all situations, you will find that getting run down is a thing of the past.

I really enjoyed this today.

Why I'm Really Excited Today

I received stickers in the mail. Not just ANY stickers. Oh no. These are better. One was actually a box of 1000 UncovereD stickers. Yay band swag! The other I received from the Union of Concerned Scientists and simply says, "got science?" I would post pictures, but I don't have my USB cable at work today. *sigh* Still. Stickers make me happy.

Another reason for my excitement? New glasses. Two pairs. Transition. Yes. One is rhinstoney and nice and the other is red leopard print. Double yes.

What made you happy today?

I'm sad... I found out recently that one of my favorite scents (of which I have finished three bottles) has been discontinued. Now the hunt starts for online vendors that may have some stock of Anna Sui's Sui Dream. OMG smells so good! Why oh why? Instead I bought Juliette Has a Gun's Miss Chaming. Very nice. Still. I love Sui Dream. *sigh* I don't even wear fragrances much, but this one I liked. What are your favorite fragrances?