Good thing about where I am and what I am doing is I am learning a lot. A LOT! My happiness is something that I never take for granted. I look for happiness in very simple places and allow simple things to bring me joy. I don't always get the results I want, but it isn't for lack of effort. In fact, it is mainly due to weird messed up chemicals in my head. Things may be going great and nothing is wrong, but lo! I am crying! What the hell?
In case you missed the memo: yours truly is bipolar. It is an illness like any other. Some days I feel fine. Other days I feel like death. Like diabetes, I can do certain things to control it as much as possible, but every now and then things decide to go haywire without warning and that is that. It is what it is.
So where was I going with this? Oh yeah... I am on a retreat, of sorts. Trying something out. There are lots of classes involved. I like it so far.
First thing I learned: no one is allowed to devalue your emotions. They are a completely personal and subjective state. What is important to one, may not be to another... but no one has the right to say how you feel is silly or worthless. At all. Our life experiences, our values, our beliefs and thought processes are unique to us as individuals and help mold our responses to things. If someone tries to tell you that how you feel or believe is wrong: they're wrong. Find someone else to talk to and if it is a psychotherapist: hire someone else fast.
It is true that perhaps our reasoning may be flawed, but how we feel is just that. Helping someone talk out why they feel that way or discovering that the heightened sense of emotion may be irrational to a degree, but you aren't wrong for feeling. It isn't silly or ridiculous. How you REACT to those feelings may be wrong, but the feeling itself is a unique and personal experience and only you know why you feel the way you do.
In my case, sometimes I feel for no reason at all. Even that isn't a silly reason. It is still a very real emotional state.
Remember that next time you and your friends are having a disagreement. Unless the disagreement is based on SOLID evidence (i.e. the year Marylin Monroe was born), or a moral/legal issue (like drug use), it may just be a battle of feelings hurt.You both may feel that you are right emotionally, but it is just that. An emotion. Don't take that away from the other person. It is what makes us human (even though I am one of those weirdos that think animals convey emotion well, too). Even if you agree to disagree, at no point are you okay to lessen someone else's emotional response.
That is all for today. I think I just need to chronicle my learning and recovery so that I don't forget it. Teaching is the best way of learning for someone like me. Smile!
3 comments:
This is something we all need to be schooled on. thanks!
Hi Mimi, You are such a Beautiful, Intelligent & Talented Lady. Bipolar can be devastating if not addressed & treated. I've seen the destruction that it can cause. I love that you are doing this. these words of wisdom that you have written will help you as well as many others. Extra Special Love & Hugs to you during your journey of self-awareness & understanding of you mind. Your future is so Bright & Unlimited. You are truly a Beautiful Human-being:)
xoxo Kat:)
@Kat... Thank you so much! It is good to know that you do see it as something that needs to be addressed. So many people have such a stigma attached to it. I hope my journeys in life can help someone else. Even if it is just to believe that they are not alone.
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