Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Feeling Home

This has been a heck of a year for me and last week didn't help. For those of you that do not already know, my house got burglarized. Kind of. Yes, some stuff was taken, but it felt like more of a vandalism. Things opened. Like an inventory was taken. Things like this normally don't bother me, but I don't have a whole lot left these days in the way of material things. I have very little and what is mine is just that: mine.

Fig. 1 The Hierarchy of Needs
Breaking into a car doesn't bother me, purse snatching even, as those are both deeply impersonal. To come into someones place of residence, though, knowing when they are not there, seeing photos, rummaging through personal belongings: that's invasive. I have had a hard enough time these past few months trying to feel like I have a place to call home and that was shattered. Abraham Maslow may have been onto something. My physiological needs are barely met- I am failing at the sleep thing and now my security feels insanely threatened. I miss my doggy. She made me feel safe.

So now I want a new home. Someplace where I feel secure, safe, healthy, and happy. A home isn't the walls or furnishings, it's how you feel when you are there. I feel at home in my art studio. I feel happy and at ease. I haven't felt home at the place I live except for when my two besties were there and we were cooking together. I have just felt like it was a place to shower and keep my clothes.

Fig. 2 Me and my besties

I am in dire need for shelter and having a home. I am working on it. I know I will be successful because even with all the chaos in my life, I have been happy with me for the first time in a long time. I like the person I have become and I know I can do this. For now, it's just scary and lonely but I am strong. Sort of having an inverse on the hierarchy.

How far along up your needs are you? Where do you feel most "at home?"

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